Thursday, June 9, 2011

WHAT IS SO SPECIAL WITH TODAY'S MARRIAGES?

Photo: Thinkstock
Photo: Thinkstock
Thanks to Arnold Schwarzenegger, John Edwards, and now Anthony Weiner, infidelity has been making headlines—and people are reexamining their own relationships.

The Pew Research Center recently found that 40 percent of Americans think
marriage is becoming obsolete. Another recent Pew study found that Millennials (people age 18 to 29) say they think being a good parent is way more than having a good marriage.

Once considered an imperative of sorts, traditional marriage is getting a second look—and research suggests that it may be coming up short. Instead of considering themselves to be happily married, some people are discovering that they're only "semi-happy," and their quest for fulfillment can lead them to extramarital affairs and divorce.


A semi-happy marriage is one of low conflict, low passion, and low satisfaction. "One minute, you love the stability and contentment. The next minute, you think it’s not the right marriage, and there are flaws in the marriage that are serious, even though there are also great things about the marriage," says historian
Pamela Haag, author of "Marriage Confidential: The Post-Romantic Age of Workhorse Wives, Royal Children, Undersexed Spouses, and Rebel Couples Who Are Rewriting the Rules." In other words, "one minute you can't imagine staying, the next you can't imagine leaving," Haag says. "It’s these kinds of marriages that are 'low-conflict' but not all that satisfying that contribute the lion’s share to divorce court each year."

Her own 13-year-long marriage almost fit the bill. "Often, in my own case, I really can't tell if my
marriage is woeful or sublime," she writes in her book. "Maybe I'm just so profoundly content that it feels like unhappiness, because nirvana is dull in this way, it lacks frisson." (She adds that she thinks her husband is "an amazing sport, and brave, to let me write about this topic of mixed feelings at all, even though a good number of husbands and wives have mixed feelings.")

Boredom can also cause major marital problems. A national survey of 3,341 people by advice website
Good in Bed and Kristen Mark of The Kinsey Institute for Research in Sex, Gender, and Reproduction found that 25 percent of people are are bored in their current monogamous relationship, and another 25 percent admit to being "on the brink" of boredom.

“Boredom is basically like an attack on a relationship’s immunity system," says Ian Kerner, PhD, founder of
Good in Bed and author of "Love in the time of Colic: A New Parents' Guide to Getting It On Again." "It’s not a coincidence that a fifth of respondents admitted to being unfaithful to their partner as a result of being bored."

While most of the women Haag interviewed said they felt lonely in their semi-happy marriages, men told her that they felt "trapped" or "penned in." It didn't seem to matter if they married
"too young" or waited until they were older; what mattered was what people expected from their marriages. And for many, the traditional blueprint that their parents followed is simply no longer a good fit.

"It’s sometimes said that marriage is on the decline because our expectations are too high," says Haag. "I think it’s that our expectations for marriage may be too low—such that single people feel, perhaps rightly, that there isn’t much that marriage would add to their lives."


"My generation—people in their 30s, and 40s, and early 50s—are perhaps caught betwixt and between the old romantic ideals and the new post-romantic expectations," she adds.


Haag emphasizes the fact that she's a historian and not a marriage therapist, and says that she does not "endorse a particular marital style." In her book, she explores several suggestions for "forging a third way between melancholy persistence and divorce," ranging from slightly outside-the-box (rewriting your vows to more accurately reflect your life as it is now, for instance, or sleeping in separate bedrooms) to the extreme (redefining marriage as a temporary parenting agreement or giving the green-light to discreet extramarital affairs, among other things.)


Even so, people can still end up feeling only semi-happy. "There's a part of your soul that isn't nourished in marriage, and it's too big a part to live without,"
Haag writes. "You've tried, but you fear that you're in the wrong marriage, however wonderful your spouse may be."

JAMANI HIVI KUBORESHA MASLAHI YA WAFANYA KAZI NI DHAMIRA YA KWELI?

Wednesday, 08 June 2011 
Mtumishi wa lililokuwa Shirika la Reli la Afrika Mashariki, Kituo cha Kigoma, Said Luziga (88) akifuatilia kupitia radio hotuba ya Bajeti ya mwaka wa fedha 2011/12, Dar es Salaam jana. Picha na Said Powa
Patricia Kimelemeta   SERIKALI  imeahidi kuboresha maslahi ya wafanyakazi wa sekta binafsi na watumishi wa umma ili waweze kuondokana na hali ngumu ya maisha.  Hayo yalisemwa na Waziri wa Fedha, Mustafa Mkulo wakati wa akiwasilisha bajeti ya mwaka 2011/12 kwenye kikao cha Bunge  kilichofanyika mjini Dodoma jana.

Mkulo alisema kuboreshwa  kwa maslahi ya watumishi wa umma kutatokana na uwezo wa mapato yake, jambo ambalo litawasaidia kumudu gharama za maisha.  “Serikali imeahidi kuboresha maslahi ya watumishi ikiwa ni pamoja na kuongeza mishahara kwa watumishi hao, lengo ni kuhakikisha kuwa wanamudu gharama zilizopo za maisha,"alisema Mkulo.  Alisema maeneo ambayo yatatiliwa mkazo ni pamoja na malipo ya mishahara na likizo kwa wakati, na kwamba watahakikisha watumishi hao wanalipwa mafao yao mara baada ya kustaafu, pamoja na pensheni zao za kila mwezi.

 Alisema sambamba na hilo,serikali itatoa mafunzo kwa maofisa wa Hazina ndogo na mahakama zote zinazoshughulikia mirathi, na kuweka mikakati ya pamoja kuwaondolea kero wasimamizi na warithi wa mali za marehemu ambao walikuwa watumishi wa serikali enzi za uhai wao.

 Mwaka jana, serikali ilitumia zaidi ya Sh2.332 trilioni kwa ajili ya kugharimia malipo ya mishahara,ajira mpya, upandishwaji vyeo na kulipia madai ya malimbikizo na mapunjo ya mishahara kwa watumishi wa Serikali Kuu na Serikali za Mitaa.  Katika bajeti hiyo ya mwaka jana, Mkulo alitangaza punguzo la asilimia moja kwa kodi ya mishahara kutoka asilimia 15 hadi 14 ya mishahara hiyo.

Nalo Shirikisho la Vyama vya Wafanyakazi(Tucta), liliwahi kuwasilisha mapendekezo ya mishahara ya watumishi wa umma na sekta binafsi ambapo kiwango cha chini lilitaka kiwe  Sh315,000 kwa mwezii, lakini serikali ilishindwa kuongeza kiasi hicho badala yake iliongeza  hadi Sh135,000  mwaka jana